​How to Set Up a Shiva House

Sitting shiva stands out as one of traditional Judaism’s most powerful expressions of mourning and sorrow. The shiva period lasts for seven days following the burial. The bereaved individual(s) sits on a low chair while friends and relatives make a "shiva call": paying their respects, offering condolences.

There are many traditions for a shiva home. We will list some, though certainly not all. As much as the immediate mourners (spouse, siblings, children, parents) may feel like doing things around the house to help, they are traditionally not supposed to act in the role of host or hostess. It is customary to leave the door unlocked so the family does not have to greet people at the door; it is traditional for visitors to enter without knocking. If you are not comfortable leaving the door unlocked, delegate a non-family member to let people in.

Delegate one person or a small group of people to: 

• Cover the mirrors: This is traditionally done because it is believed that the immediate family should not be overly concerned with their own appearance and should focus instead on mourning. Very light linens or the “fake snow” spray which can be found at hardware stores are often used. Some even cover pictures of people.
• Determine the point person to coordinate food contributions, when deliveries should be made, and when food contributions should be saved as credits for future needs. (This is a good way for families to ensure the availability of food after the shiva period or for an unveiling, if they are overwhelmed by contributions.) Ask anyone bringing food to provide it in a disposable container so the family does not have the burden of returning it.
• Create a shopping list for any items the family might need; assign people to go shopping when needed.
• Make sure the family lights the memorial candle immediately upon returning from the cemetery; make sure the candle is placed in a safe area.
• Place a pitcher of water and towels or paper towels outside the front door for people to do a ritual cleansing of the hands upon their return from the burial.
• Establish and safeguard times the family needs for breaks for meals or rest.
• Label the kitchen early on, so any volunteers know where to find (and return) any dishes used.
• Arrange for any cleaning that needs to be done prior to the service.
• Clarify any food restrictions the family may have (kashrus, food allergies, dietary restrictions).
• Coordinate shifts of helpers.
• Purchase disposable plates, cups, and napkins.
• Coordinate beverages (coffee, cold drinks, etc).
• Set up places for people to dispose of trash and recycling. Put someone in charge of ensuring that the trash and recycling are taken out often and are set out in the appropriate place on the correct day for pick-up.
• Wash dishes.
• Keep a neat and organized list of the names (and addresses) of people who have made memorial contributions to charities as well as food contributions to the family. This is in case the family decides to send acknowledgment cards. (Many observant Jews do not send acknowledgment cards, as it is seen as an unnecessary burden on a mourning family and the contribution is not something that requires thanks.)

Shiva Home Supplies

Misaskim of Greater Washington provides many of the shuls in the Greater Washington area with helpful items needed for observing the customs of shiva after the death of an immediate family member. These supplies include comfortable low chairs, small tables to keep next to the chairs, weather mats to protect floors from the large volume of visitors, and portable coat racks to help keep the home orderly. For more information, click here.

Shiva Home Signage

Here are a few items which may be printed to be used in shiva houses. These signs were created by Misaskim. 

Nichum Aveilim Sign

Hamakom Yenachem Sign - Hebrew/English

Mishnayot Chart

Tehillim 119